Thanks for all the fun name ideas for my new stuffed black kitty – right now I’m leaning toward Loki the Imp. For the curious, he was purchased at the Bibelot Shop in the Minneapolis neighborhood of Linden Hills, as was the black cat mug. The onesies are for a tie dye and stenciling experiment.
Moving right along, I must ask you all to brace yourselves… I found a knitting magazine at the thrift store that was so horrific I was compelled to buy it and share the horror with all of you. (Aw, Chris, you shouldn’t have – really.)
With no further ado… the bikini issue! (You can click on the pictures to view larger versions if you really want to…) We’ll start with the cover, featuring the lovely Christmas red and green bikini.
Inside, more bikinis on the right – but check out the picture on the left, of a reader’s cat wearing a twee little bonnet. Chaos might occasionally wear a strawberry hat, but he would so not put up with that bonnet action.
More swimming suit action, including one for the boys, if y’all were feeling left out (Hi, Dave!).
Moving right along, look at the fabulous sweaters you can knit for Barbie and Ken for their trips in the Barbie Camper. (I had one of those Barbie Campers, along with the obligatory Malibu Barbie. I didn’t have a Ken, but I did have Wild West action figures who were the same height as Barbie. So Barbie ran off with Geronimo in the Barbie Camper, with his horse tied to the back bumper.)
Finally, some clothes for the kids. Check out the crazy stenciled cat – I think he would’ve given me nightmares at that age!
Now, I actually thought the little blue jumper in the lower right corner was cute… until I looked at the pattern and realized the gauge was 17 stitches per inch. That’s right, it’s knit with cotton thread. Eeeeeeeeek! It’s not that cute. I’m not sure anything is that cute.
WOW. Both my eyes and my brain are asking for the clorox right about now. I don’t know which was wortse, that guy’s porn mustache or his KNITTED SPEEDO. And I’m thinking of what happens when all these bare and beautiful (heh) bikinis get wet. I guess they really will be bare, then.
Not only would the stencilled cat give me nightmares, if I were the kids in the color photo, I’d pretty sure he was stalking me down.
Great find! Thanks for sharing. 🙂
My eyes! My eyes!
I love old knitting patterns – the ugliness and absurdity is just incredible. I’ve got some gems in my pattern stash that I’ve been meaning to share. Maybe I’ll get on that today.
Shame on your for subjecting us to such horrors Chris!
*/me shakes head*
Knit bikinis bare and beautiful huh? I don’t think so!
I think I am going to urp. Obviously these designers do not (a) wear bathing suits; (b) knit; (c) crochet.
Ok that was just too funny, I have’nt laughed this much so early in the morning. What a great way to start the day(Laughing that is, not wearing one of those bikinis)Yea I can just see Chaos in one of those hats.
Hmmmm – I must be suffering from (or blessed with?) selective memory loss because while I remember bad clothes in my 70’s childhood, I don’t remember seeing anything quite this bad…Oh – and thanks for sharing! It may take quite a bit of therapy to get the image of a handknit speedo from haunting me. =)
my eyes! I must go wash my eyes out
::wimpers:: make it stop.. make it stop!! You do realize that all of us with ugly 60’s and 70’s pattern books are going to whip them out and post ugly stuff now just to get back at you for that right?? LOL
My great-grandmother used to crochet clothes for my barbie…I still have the wedding dress she made…can’t even begin to think about how that must have driven her frickin insane!!! 🙂
Oh my goodness.
Get those models a burger!! They might pass out from hunger.
My eyes, my eyes! Don’t make me look at psycho cat and the clothes any longer.
I’m still ROTFL at Barbie and Geronimo running off together in the Barbie camper.
Revisting my youth — I think I edited out all this crap.
Can someone get the model on the cover (right side) a sandwich or send her to the hospital to get her anorexia treated?
Personally, I think the orange/yellow/blue/black bikini thing is much worse than the red and green one. Ewww..
Two sites to recommend:
http://www.threadbared.com/
http://youknitwhat.blogspot.com/
Go through the archives and prepare to laugh at the hideous-ness for hours!
It’s refreshing to see Barbie wearing something decent for a change instead of those slutty clothes she normally wears 😉
I always wonder what happens when the knit swimsuits get wet. Do they just sag right off your body.
Ok, the stenciled sheep are cute, but the stenciled CAT and the knitted bikinis are the stuff of nightmares – not to mention knitting at 17 stitches per inch. I’m gonna toss and turn all night now.
1978, eh? I’ll bet you any money I could find pictures of me wearing any of the above pictured children’s clothing.
17 stitches per inch? For a garment a human is going to wear? Handknit? Was the designer out of his/her mind?! Maybe for a Barbie jumper.
Scary stuff. What was the publication year?
Oh. My. I can’t believe ANYONE would really knit a bikini, but a Speedo is beyond me. (Ew. Mr. Speedo *really* needs to shave his mustache.) Add me to the list of former Barbie Camper Owners. 🙂
Oh the horror! I don’t do swimsuits… but a knitted one… I’d rather have winter all year long!!!
sexsay…
retro… u mean to tell me u wudn’t bust move in that red and green baby?
kitsch
I had to come back for more. On closer examination, the lady standing to the right of Mr. Pornstache in the “Make Waves With Stripes” photo has knitted targets directly over her nipples. Wow.
I have got to go check out the thrift store here.
Goood gawd! Ack!
Rene is right… obscene.
Ah yes, the traditional Christmas bikini. Each year the family gathers around the decorated palm tree, wearing their bikinis, and sings Beach Boy carols until Surfer Claus brings them gifts. But alas, if you were naughty that year you’ll find only sand and sea weed in your flip flop.
Oh. Wow. I wonder if Chaos should be allowed to view some of those pages!! I never owned a Barbie Camper, but I can see you with the horse tied to the bumper — perfect image! ;o) Most of my Barbies were hand-me-downs from my +7 years older sister.
As for the cat in the hat – my first kitten had to wear a baby bonnet (from a doll) to the vet for the first few months of her life – we picked her up at teacup size from our garden where she had been abandoned by her mom (broken jaw, skunk sprayed.. poor thing, so little and so sick!) Our vet miraculously revived her and set her on her way to recovery. The baby bonnet was so she didn’t get an ear infection while she was recovering from all of that. Poor KatieAnne died in January, 2005 :_o( at the age of 12.
OH I just love old magazines like that, one wonders if any of the objects knitted from it still exist, it may be to scary if they did.
Good grief, is that what we were wearing in 1978? What happened to Angel Flight pants?
Oh my eyes…they hurt….
Cant type. Too busy clawing eyes out!
Oh, I so had that Barbie Camper…and Geronimo too! He wasn’t all that into Barbie though, and kept hitting on Jane West cus he liked more rugged women.
I always knew Barbie was a slut!
Forget the socks, I WANT a knitted bikini! I love the one on the cover on the right with the matching vest/coverup thingy. Just make sure you use a tight stitch :o)
What a find, the entertainment value alone—-oy.
Perhaps the camper should have been called the Tramper (laughing out loud at the thought of Barbie hooking up with Geronimo).
17 stitches per inch? I get sick just thinking about it, and for something thaat would be outgrown in 6 months! Crrrazy.
Good Lord! I thought the skinny models in today’s knitting patterns were bad, but these ladies look like they haven’t had a bite to eat in a year.
Christmas bikini – how festive! heh
Chris – for God’s sake do us all a favor and please stop going to the thrift stores. We can’t take it anymore.
Where are the chair patterns? The cover says that there are chair patterns. I ‘need’ to knit myself a chair.
Not.
ba hahah
Those poor sheep look pretty sad as well! Look like cotton balls!
Hey, I didn’t have a Ken either. My brothers had Big Jim (let’s not even go into what the Big may have been for) and his camper. I had Barbie and her camper. Swinging weekend camping trips!
GAAAHHHH!!!
hum…. knitting bikinis….
wow! those girls are nasty looking! they’re all bones! yuck! the bikini’s, eh, i don’t mind so much! i’d sport one…in a million years!
i kind of fancy the yellow skirt in the secong pic.
the guy reminds me of the hairy porn star guy…what’s his name? ron jeremy or something!
Am I the only one who sees stuff like that and wonders what we’ll be saying about current knitting mags in 20 or 30 years?
Someone should have given those girls a sandwich…
Chaos is soooooo hoping you don’t get any ideas that go beyond the strawberry hat (lol)!!
I need to have a lie down.
My my my – those are special bikinis, etc! Special with a capital SHPESH as DH and I say…
I think the cat should be called Ike, or maybe Eyke. 🙂
And I must arrange the Trekking for something swap – i need some trekking! 😉