Category Archives: Covers

Covers, Reading

Misadventures in Stock Photography (Part the Twelfth: Guys in Ties*)

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Meet Tie Guy (on the right below). His impeccable professional image has been invaluable for him in his

and has contributed to his reputation as a

. Deal closers look a little lonely, don’t they? But wait, he found another headless torso to keep him company! Probably headless torsos can’t get into too much trouble, right?

Apparently I spoke too soon… Um, Tie Guy? What happened to your nice torso friend and why do you have this partial lady tied up?!

And why are you taking off your suit at the garage? Was your credit card declined or something?! (But hey, more complete bodies with every picture! Woot!)

(Okay… I don’t know about you, but this wasn’t the face I was expecting on Tie Guy’s torso.) Look out, Tie Guy – that lady does not look happy. At all. And hey, another guy in a tie! You’ll see him in a future Misadventures post. 🙂

Now here’s where things get a bit dicey. I think the guy on the left below is Tie Guy, sans tie (and apparently unwilling to go back to TorsoLand, preferring to, um, hang out with the guys and the partial blond lady).

If you agree that’s Tie Guy, then this is probably Tie Guy, too… right? Pay very close attention to his jawline. There will be a test.

Were you paying attention? Time for that test. Do you think the torso and jaw on the left below belong to a slightly faded Tie Guy? Now scroll back up to that Four Play cover and look at his jaw in that picture. I’ll wait… Got an eyeful? Good. So, guy on the right? I think it’s Tie Guy, too.

And if you agree that the guy on the right above is Tie Guy, then the guy on the right below is also Tie Guy.

Now, scroll back to the Table for Three. Picture it as a mirror image, then add an exuberant redhead, blond hair, and, um, faery wings. Yes?

Oh, Tie Guy, the shame!

So, do you agree or disagree that these are all the same guy? Discuss and feel free to speculate wildly.

“Mom, nothing really matters except that I am starving to death here. I’m pretty sure you forgot to feed me this week. Maybe last week, too. I am willing you to feed me right now.” -Chaos

*With apologies to the Therapy Sisters for shamelessly stealing one of their song titles for part of this post’s title.

Covers, Reading

Misadventures in Stock Photography (Part the Eleventh, in which there are no abs whatsoever)

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I know, I know, how can I possibly have a Misadventures post without abs?! Read on and find out… if you dare. *passes tissues to MamaTulip, who is probably distraught by the thought of no abs*

Poor cold angelic guy – doesn’t he realize he should be wearing a jacket in the snow? (Tragically, I haven’t come up with a clever nickname for him, beyond Bare Back Guy [BBG]… *ahem* Onward!)

Maybe he was waiting for the snow to free his wings?

Which is apparently a two-stage process…*

This was an image from Total-E-Bound/Totally Bound for their Shapeshifters & Morphers category.

Oh oh… I thought he was an angel… but apparently he was just a demon in disguise! (You have to be careful about these things.)

A-ha! He’s further revealed his demonic self with this tattoo – don’t those look like scaly demon wings to you?

Realizing that the demonic wings tattoo revealed too much, he started getting the tattoo removed by laser…

…although that was painful, even for a demon, so he had to drink many shots of brightly colored alcohol to dull the pain.

Remember, kids, you should always

Or maybe suggest that growing their hair and dying it blond isn’t a good look for a demon. 🙂

*Ok, fine, you caught me – that isn’t actually a cover, merely a graphic from an epublisher’s website. But… how could I resist?!

“Well, at least this boy doesn’t seem to be as naughty as some of those other boys…” -Mayhem

Covers, Reading

Misadventures in Stock Photography (Part the Tenth: Oh oh)

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So I’m starting to get this sinking feeling that maybe this is actually Slouching Open Black Jacket Guy with better posture and no jacket… Thoughts?! Until I’m sure (or you’re sure and convince me), meet Looking Down Guy. His hobbies include home remodeling,

collecting rent,

horseback riding,

painting,

hanging out with the guys,

taking moonlit walks,

being snowbound in the mountains,

raising werewolves,

I really wish I knew what this cover had been… all I know was that it was eXtasy Books…

and hanging out with Candy Cane Guy, helping him move

and decorate for the holidays. (Whoops! It’s Slave Boy in this next picture)

He also seems to be a bit torn between darkness

and light.

I wonder which way he’ll go? 🙂

“…zzzzzzz… Wha…? Mom, what are you doing? You aren’t taking more pictures of me, are you?” -Chaos

Covers, Reading

Misadventures in Stock Photography (Part the Ninth: Crouching Guy, Hidden Nature)

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I’d already been collecting covers of Crouching Guy when Janna sent me a few more covers and asked if I was going to do a Misadventures on him sometime. Great minds and all that. 😉

While it’s nothing new for our stock photo guys to be a bit confused and indecisive, Crouching Guy’s confusion is a bit different. Should he follow his lupine nature?

Or his less noble canine nature, embracing his role as

and do it

? *ahem*

Or should he just keep

? After all, there’s his piscine nature to consider…

…at least as long as he’s careful and doesn’t take the

. (Fortunately, there’s always that old fallback, time travel, if he messes things up.)

But personally, I think he should embrace his feline nature…

and let his inner black kitty shine through!

“Mom, why is this boy so confused? It’s obvious he should go with his black kitty nature. Duh.” -Mayhem

Covers, Reading

Misadventures in Stock Photography (Part the Eighth, Being But a Few of the Further Adventures of Candy Cane Guy)

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Congrats to Lynn, Anita, Patti, Linda, and Wanda, who all won copies of A Black Tie Affair!

Crap. I’ve gotten behind in the Candy Cane Guy posts and now have enough pictures for two or three new posts. Workingest guy in stock photography?!

While we were otherwise engaged, Candy Cane Guy went through a tartan phase.

Which also included his tattoo and tanning phase.

I really had no idea how similar a kilt was to a tiny hand towel. Did you?

Candy Cane Guy thought that maybe he gained a little weight while he was recovering from the no doubt arduous tattoo removal. His plummeting self-esteem sent him out advertising himself in less-than-subtle ways… O_o

Then he got sort of skinny, but he felt a lot better about himself and was putting his …sign to other uses.

For reference, here’s what he looked like before his weight started to yo-yo:

Looks like he also picked up a few things at the store… probably too much to expect him to have any clothes in those bags, eh?

Oh oh, I spoke too soon… Although he did buy some clothes (hmm, nothing to cover his infamous chest and abs and belly button*, I notice), he bought guns! And a home cloning kit! This can’t end well…

Tune in at some indeterminate future point to find out what happens next!

*Yes, his unusual belly button is the key to identifying him on covers. Now you all know my secret. Woe.

“Mom, I just don’t understand why this boy is so naughty. It must be because he has thumbs. The big kitty would like to be really wicked, but he can’t be because he doesn’t have thumbs.” -Mayhem

Covers, Reading

Misadventures in Stock Photography: Burning Questions

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Several of you have wondered if Slouching Guy and Open Black Jacket Guy (OBJG) are the same person.

Hmm. Good question. I can’t quite tell.

What do you think?

I think they both have the same… belt.

And is this the same guy, or just someone else wearing that same jacket (now with bonus cop’s shield)?!

Discuss.

“These are my pink sparklies. Mine. MINE!!! You stay away, you big kitty, you.” -Mayhem

I think it’s safe to say she likes them, Nicole – thank you!

Covers, Reading

Misadventures in Stock Photography: Part the Seventh (OBJG)

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Happy Release Day, Mia, Bronwyn, Brynn, and Dakota! (Dakota? Don’t read the rest of this post, ‘k? Um, no reason. Really.)

In Part 4, I mentioned that we would see Open Black Jacket Guy again. That, kids, is what’s known as heavy-handed foreshadowing. Don’t try it home, ok? SoC accepts no responsibility if you do.

To refresh our memories, here’s Open Black Jacket Guy (OBJG), hanging out with his pal, Slouching Guy. Both have been growing their hair, to ill effect.

Fortunately, OBJG came to his senses, got his hair cut, and ditched Slouching Guy. However, he couldn’t give up on those long-haired boys just yet.

But the emo finally got to him, so he moved on.

Then it turned out that the brooding emo bit wasn’t tied to hair length.

Woe! Woe! Woe! Poor OBJG. He kept trying…

…and trying, but even the most promising turned out to have some fatal flaw (that demonic possession was just the worst), so he decided maybe he’d had enough of the boys.

And that he needed to spend a little time on his own, forgetting.

That was boring, so he got a cat, but there were… complications.

So he ditched the cat, but…

…the girls, they were just as much trouble as the moody boys.

And combining the girls and the moody boys?! Bad, bad idea.

Then in a freak karaoke tattooing accident, his head and body got sort of distorted and cropped; thereafter, everything was a-ok with him.

The end. Until I find a bunch more covers of him. 😉

“Still not forgiving you for letting that mysterious unmoving interloper sit on top of the bookcase.” -Chaos

Covers, Reading

Misadventures in Stock Photography: Part the Sixth (Neck Crick Guy)

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Let’s start off with a bit of bait and switch, shall we? (But wait, you’re thinking… What?)

See the guy in front? Nope, he’s not the focus on this post. However, he leads us here…

…to that guy in the background. Whatever shall we call him? How about Neck Crick Guy, or NCG for short? Works for me. (And hey, you’re stuck with it!) I know NCG is sort of hard to see in this next cover, but he does have a lovely tattoo now.

Oh, so you’d like to see that tattoo a little more clearly? Can do… but you’ll have to hold that thought for a few more pictures, ‘k?

Run, NCG! Run! Run! That guy has a mutant flashlight saber and things do not look good!

O noes, NCG! What happened to your head?! Did the mean man with the mutant flashlight saber carve off part of your skull?!

I’m sure the nice naked lady will make you all better.

Or maybe this nice naked lady will make you all better…

Fine. Be that way. Maybe this nice naked boy will it make you all better.

Ok, now you can get another glimpse of that shoulder tattoo… Wait! Who stuck a sword through your head, NCG?!

I guess those nice naked bois weren’t so nice, huh? How about a nice dressed lady for a change?

Anyway. What is it with vampires, bloody faces, and an attack of blond hair growth? It’s not the first time we’ve seen this phenomenon – remember when it happened to poor Candy Cane Guy?

Be careful out there, kids. This cover modeling stuff is

and obviously not for the faint of heart.

Keeping that in mind, I’ve saved the most dangerous aspect of cover modeling and vampirism for last. Brace yourselves…

Yeah, I have no idea WTF, either.

“O noes, Mom! Will that poor man’s neck be stuck like that forever?! Wait, what do you mean my face may freeze like this?!” -Mayhem

Covers, Reading

Misadventures in Stock Photography (Part the Fifth, or Hello, Again, Candy Cane Guy)

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I know, I know, I thought we were done with Candy Cane Guy, too! Apparently he’s not done with us…

Remember when he lost his trademark jeans in that tragic fire? Apparently he didn’t have any trouble finding a place to stay after the fire.

But then he learned about the dangers of hunger and got really worried…

…so he had to grab some breakfast.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch…

…he was up to no good, I’m sure.

And then things got a little crowded and complicated. O_o

But in the end, he was left out in the cold, all alone.

Maybe he’s learned a lesson?! Nah. I bet we’ll see him again someday…

So it’s kind of fun to see some of the original stock images. Does this look familiar?

How about this?

And of course, how could we forget that classic pose that started it all?

“My goodness, Mom, that boy seems very naughty to me. Probably even naughtier than the big kitty.” -Mayhem

Covers, Reading

Misadventures in Stock Photography (Part the Fourth, being an update on our friends from Parts 1-3)

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So I’ve discovered that once you start looking for overused stock photography, it’s a bit like falling down the rabbit hole… Shall we start with our old friend Slouching Guy? Here he is… with long hair, which looks so very natural, don’t you think? *snort*

We’ll be revisiting the other guy in the picture (Open Black Jacket Guy) in a future installment of this series. [Edited: They are the same person! Slouching Open Black Jacket Guy as his own twin?!]

Moving right along, let’s see what Shoulder Guy’s been doing.

I’m not even going to try to guess.

Weirdly, the next book involves a chocolate bodysuit somehow (I didn’t really want to know more on this one, either).

Hey, check out the advanced photoshopping technique below. Shoulder Guy, no longer floating alone in space and chocolate.

Finally, let’s see how Candy Cane Guy’s been keeping busy… Guess he took up vampire hunting. (Nice, um, stake.)

That must not have gone so well for him, based on the next cover. I had not idea that becoming a vampire with sloppy eating habits caused your hair to grow!

Unfortunate, that. Even the other cover model looks horrified.

Somehow he got his blood lust under control and got a haircut.

Whew!

Then, um, he took up macrame.

But was forced to flee offworld due to a crafting misunderstanding.

When he finally returned, he went on vacation and his trademark jeans were lost in a tragic fire! O noes!

He was forced to get a job at a moving company so he could afford new jeans.

The end. I hope. (Although you’ll be seeing Looking Down Guy from the cover above again, too.)

“Taking revenge can be exhausting….. zzzzzzzz….” -Chaos