Welcome to another edition of Misadventures in Stock Photography! Today you’ll meet You Can’t Make Me Smile Guy (YCMMSG). YCMMSG is
who, upon
in the (obviously clone-inducing)
of the
, declared, “You are
!”, immediately began to grow his hair,
and said, “Hey, baby, give me some sugar
.”
They never learn about the hair, do they?
“Oh, Mom, look! A black kitty! Doesn’t he have pretty turquoise eyes?!” -Mayhem
(Crap, is it time to have that talk with her?!)
Today I’d like you to meet Torso Guy.
“But, Chris,” you’re thinking, “couldn’t most of the guys in these stock photos be called Torso Guy?”
Why, yes, that’s very true. But usually they have something that stands out (not like that! sheesh), such as that candy cane in the very first picture I ever saw of Candy Cane Guy. With Torso Guy? His torso-osity is what stands out. Here’s one of the several very similar stock photos of him:
Torso Guy always had a
, drifting through the ladies as if drifting through
of
until late one night, when he was shouting, “
!” at a
, he realized that his life was at a
. Suddenly, in front of him,
, was a drop
(RRR)! RRR stared at Torso Guy, as if unable to believe that his
was finally there. Just like that, Torso Guy realized he was
, so he swept RRR away to his
.
…to be continued…
“Is there no end of the naughty boys, Mom?! Aren’t there any good boys out there??” -Mayhem
Welcome to yet another edition of the Misadventures in Stock Photography! Today we’ll be meeting Seventies HAir GuY, aka SHAGY.
Says SHAGY, “If I must go
and
, even if I have to climb
, so be it. My passion cannot be
by your sordidly
scandals!”
Ok, I’m stuck. Bonus points to anyone who works this final title into SHAGY’s melodramatic declaration!
And additional bonus points to those who identify the other cover model on Off the Beaten Path. 🙂
Continued from Friday…
“Ha! I had to wait and wait, but May finally got bored and wandered away! This portable kitty cave is mine again!” -Chaos
Kris was actually the first to find this guy on a few covers, but she has graciously given me permission to expand on her post. Thanks, Kris!
Meet Tie Guy Two (or Tie Guy, Too, if you prefer). iStockphoto had many different photos of TGT, with and without his tie. Here are several examples, although so far I haven’t seen any covers using that second photo, for some reason. 😉
“Don’t make me mad. You won’t like it when I’m mad.”
As our story begins, TGT says, “
. When we hang out together at
, I insist that you
.” Yeah, whatever – spiffy red tie you have there, TGT. And the tail… well. You really, really should have horns with that tail. Just sayin’.
Alas, the red tie and tail must’ve clashed with his aviator goggles, since he switched back to the grey.
And now, back to our incoherent little story. TGT hired a
with whom to share some
. But
didn’t tell poor TGT about certain… complications in his life, such as his girlfriend. Realizing that he was now stuck in the thankless role of
and all around
, TGT abandoned his dreams of
and called his now ex an
as he went forth to start his new life. Having been
in the arts of financial management as well as in the arts of pleasure, TGT found a nice banking job
that didn’t require him to wear a shirt with his tie. The end. Thankfully! 🙂
“Oh, no! Another wicked, wicked boy! I can’t bear to look.” -Mayhem
Thanks for all of your cheering comments on Friday! Congrats to Nikki, who won the mix cd! (She selected the Coffee Mix.) We had a lovely sunny weekend here, perfect for taking a walk or two. 🙂
Allow me to introduce you to the Boys on the Beach. I like the one on the right. You?
Alas, the poor Boys on the Beach ended up
and the guy on the left was so traumatized by the experience that he bleached his hair blond.
Bad, bad choice. So he had to hide his head in shame for a while, but
the guy on the right convinced him that beauty was in the
and the guy on the left started to feel better about himself again. (Hey, wait, where did the beach go?!)
Finally his hair grew out, so they returned to the beach and walked on together.
The end. Until I find more pictures of them, of course.
Friday night, I caught Mayhem napping in one of the cat carriers – I’d say she doesn’t blame it for taking her to the vet, huh?
“What? Why is it a big deal to nap in this portable kitty cave?” -Mayhem
As I’m sure you all know by now, Candy Cane Guy has short dark hair.
Previously, we’ve also seen him with slightly longer dark hair
and with shoulder-length blond hair.
But he’s continually trying new hairstyles, such as this short multicolored ‘do:
Then he wondered whether redheads really do have more fun…
If that pale, creepy guy is the “more fun” he found, I don’t blame him for immediately trying blond again, although, happily, with much less blood this time.
Finally, he went back to (roughly) his natural hair color, but left it long.
So, which hairstyle is your personal favorite? Mine? Um… torso picture with his head cut off. 🙂
“Mom, I know I wanted more books about black kitties. But you shouldn’t make that poor black kitty hang out with that bad, bad boy. You are mean.” -Mayhem
Meet Underwear Guy, who appears in two different poses. The first is the “Hey, check out my underwear pose” below, which doesn’t seem to be holding the female model’s attention, does it?
The second it the “Let me just slip out of my underwear” pose – looks like that pose caught her eye, hmm? (Carefully, lady, you just might get an eyeful…)
His underwear can be Photoshopped to a different color…*
or decorated to be more fun…**
Or even turned into pants!
Turning his underwear into pants is not restricted to the “Let me just slip out of my underwear pants” pose, either! (So versatile!)
What? You don’t care about his pants or underwear? Um, well, ok, we’ll hide ’em and we’ll give him long blond hair instead. How’s that?
…or maybe not. The female model looks somewhat perturbed, doesn’t she?
*At the time of this post, I counted 17 different “Lust Bites” titles using this cover. Might have to do an entire post using all those “Lust Bites” titles to tell a little story…
**Someone else can analyze that cover and let us know if the hearts show appropriate distortion based on location…
Poor sleepy Chaos… All four of his paws, plus the tip of his tail, are in this picture. Can you identify each bit?
*yaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnn* -Chaos
Many thanks to Sydney, who helped me find the actual stock photos of our friend Slouching Open Black Jacket Guy. As you will see, the stock photos were particularly helpful this time. Shall we proceed?
Here’s the stock photo used in the next several covers. Carefully note that he is wearing jeans.
So… where did his jeans go?! And just whose lower body is that?? O_o
Maybe it’s safer to just leave those jeans alone and give him crazy blond hair instead?
Um, no. Not so much.
And is it
to be a
? SOBJG’s friend doesn’t look
on the idea, does he?
*blank stare* I got nothin’ for integrating this next cover into my little narrative. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
Moving right along – let’s have another stock photo interlude, shall we? Again, carefully note that he is wearing jeans.
And despite attempts to get him to wear a
, he refused and instead slipped into something a bit more comfortable… and apparently emascualting. Because I don’t think that his lower half exactly looks male anymore in this next cover.
Thoughts? To help you in your analysis, here’s what SOBJG actually looks like in bikini bottoms…
*ahem*
“Mom, that poor boy has no fur at all! He must be so cold! I can’t bear to look at that poor cold boy anymore.” -Mayhem
As usual, Candy Cane Guy has been up to no good whatsoever since the last time we checked in on him.
he veered
and started to do some
work, ultimately ending up
. (Will he never learn that long hair isn’t a good look for him?! At least it wasn’t blond this time…)
Alas, things didn’t work out, so our unhappy
went out and found himself a
. Only,
was he ever in for a
as one of
until he and the other cowboy decided that they wanted to be
together and rode off into the sunset, leaving Christie behind.
Whew!
Please note that this post was completely and totally not approved by Miss Doreen.
“What? I wasn’t doing anything. Really. Nothing to see here. Move along.” -Chaos
It’s Read an Ebook Week!
Congrats to Northmoon, Beth P, Seanna Lea, Kelly, and Sheryl VV, who all won copies of Crazy Aunt Purl’s new book!
And congrats to Jase and RachelT, who each won an ebook short story bundle from Addison Albright!
I had a lucky weekend myself – thanks to Josh Lanyon and Jessewave for the copy of The Dark Farewell that I won. And thanks to Janey Chapel and Jenre for the copy of Maritime Men that I won!
While I don’t have a clever name for this guy (Weird Facial Hair Guy is all I’ve come up with Thanks to Jeanne’s suggestion, he’s now Caterpillar On Chin Guy – check out some stock photos of him and see if you agree), I do have a sordid tale to share with you today. It’s the story of a woman
with finding
to call ”
“. (Can I get a show of hands from those who are convinced they could make a better cover than the one for My Captive Lover above, even without a working knowledge of PhotoShop? Yeah, me, too.)
Whoops! Looks like that lady’s pretty fickle, huh? Poor Caterpillar On Chin Guy…
(Good thing the designer used capital letters for the title on that cover is all I’m saying…)
In his despair over being so quickly captured and ditched, COCG decided to try
. Silly COCG – I fear that can only end in bloodshed and scarring. Both Jeanne and CJ can tell you that merely entering the Chaos Kitty’s territory (aka my condo) leads to poofing, hissing, growling, and all around general menacing. Mastering? Eeep.*
I have one more cover, the title of which has me simultaneously rolling my eyes and shaking my head.
Time for another show of hands! Anyone out there think the title is actually referring to wintery precipitation? Me, either.
“…..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…..” -Chaos
*He looks singularly unworried about being mastered, doesn’t he?